Heavy

I have a heavy heart today.
Lately, I feel like I’m just failing. At everything.
Being a mediocre mom, an insufficient wife, a downright lousy housekeeper, super crummy Christian and blogging? Well, needless to say it has become second fiddle. Or maybe like 15th fiddle to well, life.Madison started public school two weeks ago. Monday, August 13th to be exact.

It was a tough decision for us, but one we felt God directed. Breadwinner helped walk her in to her class, then left for the rest of the week on travel for work.

Single mom for the first week back to school. The first week of a brand new schedule- which included very early mornings (and we are not morning girls), no more napping, early bedtimes, and did I mention many, many more hours of me working at the preschool with creative projects, decor, marketing, and web works on massive changes because an awesome preschool consultant was hired to make humongous changes and grow the school asap?
Yes, I know that was a run on sentence and I’m sure the punctuation was not correct.

I have seen more sunrises the past two weeks than I’ve seen my ENTIRE life, I’m sure of it.
Wednesday night was our second consecutive week attending family night at church- Awana summer program for the kids, parenting class for us (us minus breadwinner this week). We know it’s important for us to be more involved at church and work on a great Christian foundation for our girls. Unfortunately, Awana runs until an hour and a half after their new bed times. Makes for a challenging evening.

Thursday, August 16th, Madison turned 6. Madison woke up to a room full of balloons, streamers, and cupcake bunting along with party hats and cake for breakfast. She even had a special birthday girl badge to wear to school.
It was Breadwinner’s b-day, too. He made it home in time to rush off with us to Madison’s back to school night, then come home for a few presents and bedtime.

Friday, he picked up Madison from school and took her for a special afternoon just the two of them, including shooting in the desert- with a real gun (gulp) (did I mention I didn’t grow up with guns? and they make me kinda nervous? but I realize the major importance of gun safety- wow, talk about a tangent), out to lunch, then to pick out her very special birthday scooter and helmet.

Meanwhile, Kennedy and I worked at the preschool until well after 5:30pm prepping for their 1st week of school last week.

Saturday both girls took Madison’s new scooter and helmet for a spin.
Our pastor asked that more people try to attend the Saturday evening service, so we decided there wasn’t enough new happening this week, let’s try that, too!
Another much later than the ‘new normal’ bedtime night.

Sunday was Miss Kennedy’s birthday-4 years old. Her birthday lunch choice was In and Out, then a special trip to Target to pick out her new scooter and helmet, a few more errands, floating in the pool, dinner, and prepping for another week.

Monday, was Kennedy’s first day of Pre-K. She was so tired after school, grumpy was the best I could get.

First day of school all the teachers were extra cute, so it seemed the perfect day to take new staff photos for our school website. I didn’t realize how much sun I’d gotten in the pool the day before until I looked at the photo one of the teachers snapped for me. Oops!

Monday night, I donned one of my many aprons (this one was my grandmothers) to make a healthy dinner again.

We’ve been eating less than healthy, grab and go type food for too many weeks. Time to get back in the swing of healthy dinners.

The rest of last week brought challenges for me. Changes at the preschool have trickled down to me and are now causing us to make decisions about our girls’ education. Sometimes being a mom is harder than I realize. I’m learning that the best decisions for my family aren’t always the most comfortable or easiest.

Living our lives the way God intended, well, as I told Breadwinner today, it isn’t always rainbows and unicorns. God has been SO good to us- and our sacrifice has been so minimal. Obviously it’s time for us to be a little ‘uncomfortable’.

It’s just taking more adjustment than I realized. In our lives, and in my heart.
I’ve been apologizing a lot on the blog lately. For not being here, for sharing too deeply…I don’t want to apologize anymore. This is my little space on the internet. It may not be pretty, but it is representative of me, and this stage in my life.
If it helps one person to read my struggles, well, that’s great.
But if it’s just a place for me to document and look back, well that’s ok, too.
I’ll do my best to be here providing small snippits into our lives and all the furniture refinishing, re-decorating, crafting, and creating I’ve worked on the last year or so. Oh, and yes, I’ve put together pretty stinking cute outfits lately, but no, I have not taken any photos.

Our lives seem to be changing lately, so it seems only natural the blog should change. I guess it’s really nothing new, this little space has undergone lots of change since last November- content, look…one of these days I’ll figure out what this space is supposed to be. In the meantime, it’s just nice to be blogging.

Tomorrow, a new friend is sharing on the blog. Be sure to come back for a yummy fall recipe.

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